INJUSTICE IS SERVED

Sometimes you have to get up and make a fuss when something unjust is done. However, there are times when things happen which you have no control over, and you can do nothing about. Sometimes there are risks involved with trying to get the right thing done. There is a situation at the moment that I could be punished for even illuding to it here. As my blog is a public forum, if anyone who reads it from this organisation is offended, I could have a similar punishment dealt to me as has been done to another member.
However, as the constiution states that it must be reasonable that somebody is offended by my comments, I will not name names or point fingers.
It is not the fact that someone has been punished for breaking rules they didnt break, or that the punishment was made up and not anywhere in the constitution. The MAIN problem I have is that the procedures put in place to resolve issues like this were bipassed, and resulted in a severe punishment after only hearing one side of the story and that the league voted that this was okay, which sets a precedent for the future.
So now I am worried. My good friend is suffering, which breaks my heart, and makes me want to yell and scream and stamp my feet to get my point across. But then I think, what will happen to me? I am not a very important member, as in, I am only on one minor committee, I am not a star player, and my professional skills are never utilised. So who would care if something happened to me?
My friend (the one who is being punished) has spoken to me about her theory that it is two people in power who do not like her, for one reason or another, and have swayed others to paint her in a bad light. She has come to me on more than one occassion in tears because she found out someone she thought of as a friend hated her, and thought she was a bad person. I don't know why these two in power don't like her, perhaps she rubbed them the wrong way, but that does not give anyone the right to bipass rules and punish someone unjustly!
At the meeting, a member said that this desision had been made to protect all of the members, and we have to support our desision makers. I do not agree. How does setting a precedent for unjust and unlawful (according to their own constitution) punishment protect anyone?
Their claim is that my friend made statements that illuded to the league or it's members in a negetive, and offensive way, and they recieved several complaints. They had a responsibility to act on these claims and punish. But no, they didn't! If they had recieved complaints, the process which is in place states that the complainants should seek a grievance councillor, who will talk through and rectify the problem.
I know that many of these comments were not about the league or it's members. One of the people in charge stated that all the comments were made in response to emails and communications between them. But no! I was there when she wrote many messages, and on one occassion had just had a conversation about how Burlesque had just become the new "acceptable alternative" (you know, I do Burlesque oh-ho-ho aren't I soooooo cool.) and how lame it was that something so good was being tainted by untalented people. And about how her performances (fire breathing, angle grinding) were not in demand. There was NOTHING in or around that comment about ANY member of the league in question! Sure, the sentance before that commented on how much she missed attending training. But how is that negetive at all? One of the members tried to make it out that when she refered to "Fringe people" she was talking about the members, but no, she was talking about the organisers of the Fringe Festival not accepting her!
I went a bit off track there, but my point is that all these comments were taken out of context, proper procedure was not followed and now people are afraid to update their facebook.
In fact, I am sure that myself and one other member are going to have similar events happen to us because these two in power hate us as well, or even just hate us by association.
It's bullshit and it's corrupt and it's illegal.
Please lend your support.
supportfemme.com/home

Why I hate myself and why it's retarded

Okay, so I hate myself. I really do. And it's not that strange, really. I mean, how many women really like themselves? I bet you can't honnestly say that you do. But it's all for retarded, stupid reasons. And now I'm going to list them for some sort of theraputic reasons.

- I think I'm fat and hate myself for it.
Now, I anm 164cm tall and weigh 68kg. So I am technically overweight. Wow, even writing that makes me feel awful. I have no issue seeing the numbers or anything, I remember when I used to see 48kg. Every time I go out I look at photos and want to cry. I feel like my life is shit and everything is going wrong because I'm so useless I can't even be a decent weight. It should be one of the easiest things to do and I cant even do that. What a retard.
But I know it's not true. My insecurities stem from my mum. I was happy and confident (and 56kg) until my mum decided that "she needed to tell me the truth" because I was "packing on the weight" and started beratting me daily about what I eat, how much, poking my thighs, my butt, my stomach. And all that did was make me feel worse about myself and make me want to hide away. And I gained 10kg. SO pretty sure that backfired.
But it's not my mum's fault, it's my own fault for letting her get to me. I could have ignored her, I could have eaten well despite but no, I don't have that control over myself. And I hate myself for that.

- Nobody takes me seriously.
Because I'm a woman, and I'm not hot. And I don't have a decent degree.
See above. If I was skinnier, I feel like people would take me seriously. I feel like nobody likes me because they see that I have no control over myself, because I'm fat.

*sigh*

- I feel like a failure at life (and I'm only 21)
I feel like every choice I've ever made has been wrong. I feel like I went to the wrong high school, made the wrong friends, had the wrong study habits, had the wrong hobbies, picked the wrong upper school subjects, went to the wrong uni, did the wrong course and now I'm somebody I never wanted to be and it';s all my fault. All my life goals? Out the window. I'll never achieve them. And it's my fault. It's all my fault.

*double sigh*

Bullying. It's fucking lame.

So here comes a full frontal attack on bullying. Without naming names, (because that will get me in trouble, because I'm not allowed to say negetive things about particular things because I could get an official warning. Which in itself is retarded, but anyway.) I am now going to vent and rant and rave about the craptacular thing which is bullying by adult women.

Now.

Women suck. I have known this for a looong time, and that is why most of my friends are guys. Guys say what they mean how they mean it and are not afraid to stand by it. And if you don't like it, you can say something to them and they'll stick by their word. Even if they admit they were wrong to have said it, they'll never deny saying it.

Women on the other hand say what they don't mean, say things they shouldn't, deny they said things, manipulate, bully and make people feel socially outcast. They do it in high school: create a group with similar likes, fashion styles and hobbies and pretty soon everyone else is on the out. It is also ingrained in women from a very young age that to be accepted by other women is most important. But that's a whole other issue.

When I did dance as a teenager, I was on the out. I only did four classes a week so I wasn't "in" with all the other girls who did six, seven, eight, twenty classes a week. I had also come in at 12 so wasn't in with the ones who had started when they were two. I was also not tanned and blonde, I didnt go to parties (I wasn't invited anyway) and didnt teach kiddie classes. But, when I was 16 I got put in the front row. Suddenly I was popular, people wanted to be my friend, I got invited to the parties, and it was all because I was put in a position they envied.

Retarded.

Anyways, women are weird and I don't always understand why they do what they do. But sports are meant to be fun and inclusive, especially ones where there's no bog trophy at the end. But there's always someone who is a complete and utter twat and makes people feel uncomfortable in their presence. When my brother played football he was told he needed to "get his priorities right" by the coach. That is, skip uni classes to attend trainings. When he didn't do that, he was dropped. It always seems to be people in power who feel the need to flex their biceps and push people around.

I don't know if that feels good or something, but it's pretty shit for everyone on the recieving end.

In a round about way, I'm trying to say that there is a woman at the moment who is being an asshat. She is negetive, rude and snarky, says things she shouldn't say and won't admit when she is wrong. She is on a complete power trip and more than once I have had to move away from her because I have felt uncomfortable about the things she has said. Two of my closest friends have had major issues with her and have both left. Not only do I now feel alone, but vulnerable. Both of my friends have raised concerns through proper procedure and both of their claims have been dismissed and denied by this woman. So, they left. I am at the moment feeling like I don't want to go to places where she is because I don't feel happy at all and I'm not having fun.

To be honnest, it feels like high school, where some Queen Bee makes everyone else feel like shit all the time whether she means to or not. And so what can we plebs do? Either quit school, change schools or put up with it.

The question now is what am I going to do.

Piercings which are so stupid, it's bad for your health.

Now, we all know I work at a piercing place, so I know a thing or two about piercings. For instance, what will reject. All of the piercings I am listing here will either 100% of the time reject, cause you pain and generally not work (and therefore be a waste of money) OR they are just plain dangerous. It's all PG rated, so no rude bits here.

First off, finger and hand piercings.
Why are they such a bad idea? well, what do you use your hands for? Everything. picking up things, writing, washing dishes, driving, EVERYTHING! And what should you not do with a piercing? Touch it or knock it. These piercings are destined to fail from the beginning. It is an awful idea to get them, and if you do get them, you will be wasting your money and your time.
of course, they can heal up and be fine, in theory. That is, if you never use your hand for anything again for the rest of your life. But most people need to use their hands to, well, live.

Next: foot and ankle piercings.
Foot piercings. Again. friction = piercing death. and what do you use your feet for? walking. and wearing shoes. If you got these piercings you would NEVER BE ABLE TO WEAR SHOES AGAIN. apart from flip-flops, and i dont think your workplace would like that.

The above goes for surface piercings in other areas too. Think about it- if you have a bra strap/ belt/shoe/handbag/ANYTHING that rubs on the same area, DONT GET IT PIERCED!

Tonsil:
Now, my boss has informed me that this piercing is entirely possible, and it does heal quite well. HOWEVER. It is quite difficult to do (because of the fiddly nature of getting the tools and needle into your throat) and if done wrong can cause MASSIVE damage, so much so that you could have problems eating for the rest of your life. So, in short, dont bother. Plus, NOBODY can see it unless you do what the person in this photo is doing.

Eyelid piercings:
You can go blind. And not from the piercing needle, oh no. From blinking. You can go blind. And if not blind, irreparable damage can be done to your eye. Its your EYE. seriously. Stupidest Idea Ever. My boss refuses to do them because they are so freaking dangerous.

In addition to this, when you get your piercing make sure you CLEAN IT PROPERLY AND REGULARLY. If your piercing gets infected it can cause major health problems. Piercings can reject without being infected and yes, sometimes piercings take longer than 8 weeks to heal. They are not infected. A small lump is not an infection. If you have any issues or queries about your piercing PLEASE go to your piercer.

A piercing which bleeds constantly, leaks a custardy liquid either yellow or green COULD BE infected. If you think your piercing may be infected please GO BACK TO YOUR PIERCER. Because they know piercings better than a doctor. Doctors will tell you to take out your piercing even if you don't need to. If your piercer says to go to a doctor DO IT RIGHT THEN AND THERE.

Waicon 2011

I won best newcomer for saturdays comp. with my Samus Aran suit, which I made for my thesis. Here's some pics:



Guess who rocks? Me!

So now I am planning for Supanova in June and Waicon 2012. So far I have the idea of doing Cassandra from Soul Calibur IV in a group, as well as Samus' Zero suit at Supanova, and Witchblade at Waicon 2012. Some serious effort going into all of these! Haha. Just have to email Waicon and ask if Witchblade is inappropriate. :P

Being a bitch

Heres one way to be a mega huge bitch: use the internet. Specifically, talk smack about people you don't even know and think they wont see it. And when they do see it, backtrack so fast you're almost falling over yourself and your pompous attitude.

Another mistake to make? Being bitches to people who you dont know while having all your information on the internet for them to find. Sure all your twitters, livejournals etc are "friends only" and "private", but I know your real name, your age, where you went to school and where you work. And considering you don't know me at all, thats a very dangerous game to play, darling.

And because you don't know me, I could pretend to be somebody else entirely and very easily gain access to your journals and posts. Or, if you were smart, you would google me the way I googled you. But I'm a little bit harder to find. I don't put my real name next to my alias, because I'm not that stupid.

I'm sorry, but if I've met you, and I know you, and you have a problem with me, you can talk all the shit about me you like. Because then thats your opinion of me, as a person, who you know. I might call you out on it, but at least have the balls to stand by your opinion. I respect that in a person, the balls to say what they think and defend it. But if you've said one sentance to me EVER, and met me for less than 5 minutes? Then that's just plain fucking rude bullshit. And I don't like it at all. So, bitch, we're never going to be friends and we're never going to get along. Because you are the kind of person I really really really don't like. A self-important drama-llama.

Random Outfit Post

So, I've decided I want to do outfit posts, so you can see how cool I am (after all, isn't that the point of them?)


I thought perhaps one a week would suffice, one a day is first off, too self indulgent (lol) and more importantly too much effort.


So, here's my cruddy photo and rundown of my awesome outfit from Tuesday.

Phone cameras for the lose.

Dress: op shop'd, Belt: came with another dress, Shoes: spotsgirl.

How Young is Too Young?

This video has shocked me, and others. It is of a five year old girl being forced to have her eyebrows waxed for a toddler beauty pageant.



This got me thinking, how young is too young to start waxing, dying, primping and preening? 5 is definitely too young and, for the record, i think beauty pageants for children are just plain disturbing. Pedo central.

I remember when I was in primary school (for the record, about the year 2000) and I was 11. Most of the girls in my year was dying their hair, getting top-of-the-ear piercings, nose piercings, and going to friday night discos. No exaggeration. I was one of the unlucky ones who were not allowed to do any of these things, and were then outcast from the social group. This was ten years ago now, I wonder what it's like for girls these days.

Of course it will differ from school to school, but it was at 11 that I was expected, socially, to be growing up and dating boys. I still had no interest in boys at this point! I just wanted my friends to like me. I didn't have the cool clothes, hairstyles, anything like the "popular" girls. It seemed I was lumped in the group with the people who were too fat or dumb (no offense to them, but that was the group they were in.) to be invited to the cool things. I was invited at first but, not being allowed to go, stopped being invited. In a year group of 58 people, that's a big deal.

I was not allowed to shave my legs or pluck my eyebrows then either. But in the first year of high school (the first week, actually.) I had the unfortunate experience of being called a "hairy gorilla" by some girls who then threw fruit at me. This resulted in me sneaking around my house trying to shave without my parents knowing. I felt that, because I wasn't allowed, I was somehow going against them by doing this.

Thinking about it now, I have received a lot of critisism for my appearance before I entered into plucking, dying and shaving. In fact, I have a distinct memory of being told my hair was "brown with a dirty grey shine" and looked "like poo". This is probably the reason I have such ridiculously unnatural coloured hair now.

The pressure on girls and young women to conform is enormous. I, for one, have never had a bikini wax, mainly because my mum wouldn't take me as a teenager (and I never asked), so I learnt to take care of it myself, and still do. I remember at my dance school a girl at 12 had been taken for a bikini wax and tan by her mum in preparation for summer. Her mum said to mine "I just dont want her to be embarrassed." Really, what was there to be embarrassed OF? She's 12 for crying out loud! I don't know, I guess being bought up the way I have makes me think things like that are crazy. But then again, if she had asked her mum and her mum had said no, she would have spent the whole summer being ashamed of herself. Low self esteem is the biggest problem amongst girls and young women... it's such a delicate balance that it's hard to say what's wrong and what's right sometimes. I guess it all depends on you.

Then again, there's pressure as an adult too. Last week I had let my legs grow hairy because I was busy and hadn't had time to do anything about it, and my mother turned to me and said "have you no shame? Do you hate yourself that much that you want people laughing at you?" I thought that was a bit harsh but it's true: if you don't constantly conform to society's idea of how you should look, you are ridiculed for it.

The world is a harsh place. Sometimes, I don't like it at all.

low self esteem musings

i have a problem, but i dont exactly know what it is. I'm not depressed, I love life. It just seems like I get these really strong feelings I'm not welcome when it's probably not true.
For instance, at home with my family I get this really strong feeling they don't want me there, I'm annoying them or I'm in their way.
Maybe I let it get to me because I feel guilty that I'm not everything they wanted me to be. I feel so angry and frustrated at myself for letting them down, and making them so dissappointed in me.
I was thinking the other day about things that I do, and why I do them. Almost everything I didnt come to "because I like it", but "because I want my parents to be proud."
I want to play roller derby well, so that Dad will be proud of me, like he is of my brother. If I was skinnier and fitter, Mum would like me more, and stop being so mad at me for being so ugly and fat.
If I had a real degree, and was a teacher, maybe then they'll be proud of me.
Thats really all I want. And it kills me that it's all my fault that I'm such a dissapointment.

It's sad, because I remember being confident. I loved myself. I thought I was hot shit. I had put on 10 kilos since highschool (so weighed 62kg), I was wearing short dresses, big shoes, bikinis, whatever. I thought I was hot.
But mum was harpin on me about how I was wearing inappropriate clothes for a girl my size, about how i should cover up because I'm not hot, I should wear one piece bathing suits, etc. I guess the constant reminders of that brought me down from my happy cloud. since then I've gained 6 or 7 kilos, I'm too ashamed to weigh myself now.
I cry a lot more too. I guess now, instead of looking in the mirror and seeing a hot young girl, who loves to go out and party, I see a chubby, flabby, useless moron, who cant do anything right, and would rather stay home than go out because i'm ashamed to be out in public, to have people looking at me and taking photos.

I dont think its fair to bully your kids, you have to remember that we're people too, with feelings, and you are the most influential people in our lives. I want you to sit down with me and say "i'm really proud of you for being who you are".

18+ game classification in Australia

So, the argument has come up yet again about R18+ ratings on video games in Australia. In case you aren't aware, MA15+ is currently the highest rating you can give to a game in Australia, refering to "strong" impact, while anything with a "high" impact is rated RC- refused classification or banned.
Also, Australia is the ONLY first world country with NO adult rating on video games.
So, here is my argument.

I do not see why video games are any different to other forms of media: films, magazines, etc. We have many things in our society which you can not purchase if you are under 18, and it is illegal to purchase these on the behalf of minors; for instance alcohol, cigarettes, nudie mags. Why is it not possible to ban advertisements on these higher rated games, to keep them in plain cases (like nudie mags) so theres no cover art and keep them behind the counter like cigarettes, with just a list of games avaliable. And why cant we ask for ID to purchase?

People have argued that games, being interactive, have a greater impact on a person's ability to judge what is and isn't appropriate behaviour in the real world, like being exposed to extreme violence will make you think taking chainsaws to hookers is the cool thing to do(GTA reference, btw.). But here is my issue: game developers WANT their games to be sold in Australia, so currently they are tweaking their games to fit into the MA15+ rating.

For instance, Fallout 3 (2008) is an adult rated game in the US and UK, but was originally banned in Australia because the "drug" you took to regain health was called "extasy". The fact is that this game is set post WWII, after a nuclear disaster has left much of the US destroyed, and full of flesh eating zombies (radiation caused deformities in living people, not the undead. this seems very important for the rating board). The music, first of all, is cheerful wartime music, which is disturbing. The graphics are good, the concepts disturbing, and I am not sure the graphic nature of the game is appropraite for people under 18 (or 21, in some US states.) There is a video below of gameplay from Fallout 3, for your viewing. (Note how the innards and bones are visible when the first enemy is headshotted.)



There is also the problem of parental leniency. I was allowed to watch M15 and MA15 films when I was 12, because I was "practically there anyway" and "mature for my age". This seems to be the opinion of many parents. Taking Fallout3 above, for instance, which remember, is rated ADULT in the US, (and in some states, this means OVER 21!!!) and the only thing changed is a WORD. (For the record, it was changed from "extasy" to "drug X") So now it is avaliable for purchas in Australia, and the ratings board ASSUMES that under 15s arent playing it - but they are. The fact is that parents do not think MA15 is as serious as R18. No parent in their right mind would let a 12 year old watch and R18 movie, but MA15 is different.

The Argument that "allowing these games into Australia will allow children to access them" is inherantly flawed. First of all, they are already here, under the guise of a slightly watered down MA15 version, (it might not be straight vodka, but its still alcoholic!) ALSO, the controversy around the games re-rating gets more people interested, and they seek to access it illegally over the internet. Now, I'm going to let you in on a secret. Many games are avaliable to purchase legally online over a gaming engine called Steam. If you have an Australian ID, you can only purchase the MA15 version. BUT, if you have a US ID, you can purchase the adult version and "gift" it to anyone around the world, Australia included. There is no regulation on this: so Australians are paying Americans to purchase a game which is illegal here: and you only have to be over 13 to have a Steam account.

Are you starting to see now?
Some people say "games are for children, so these adult games are just masquerading in order to sell to children" and I think we all know this is wrong. Most game players, and purchasers in Austrlia are between the ages of 18 and 25. Mainly because children need thier parent's permission and money to buy games, and we (as adult gamers) don't. I think it is condisending to think that I have to play games like Super Mario Galaxy because games are "for children".
Also, if any parent buys these games for their children it is currently their choise. Under the MA15 rating there can be no penalty for supplying to minors. I think the government needs to regulate this immediately. I think people who buy MA15 games for their tweens need to be aware of what they are buying for their kids!

If you are still of the opinion that these games arent so bad, here's some clips of other games that were originally rated "RC" but then altered to be "MA15"


Now onto a gamer's perspective. Having a different rating from other countries ruins the online experience. The fact that Australians get booted off online games because a banned scene is coming up is not only annoying, but the rest of the world's gamers think of us as pussys. They dont want to play with us.

A scene fro Hitman where you poison some agents. Hitman also includes assasinations.


A scene fro Left for Dead 2 (a zombie game). The violence was toned down for Autralian audiences because the zombies were living people infected with a virus and not the undead, thus making the whole game a survivalist massacre.

what is selfish?

this morning my mum said i was selfish for being fat. She said that if i cared about other people i'd want to look nice for them, and should go on a diet. But last week she said Miranda Kerr was selfish for being so thin and successful. Sowhat is selfish? I think its selfish for concentrating on your body so much. Not to say thin people are selfish, but an obsession with your own body is. What do you think?

Studying Japanese and New Job!

So, here I am at home, studying Japanese for my written exam on Wednesday.
At the moment I'm trawling youtube for helpful songs to help me remember things, lol.
So far I've found a "days of the month song" for the "nichi" exceptions (1-10, 14, 20, 24) and a te form song, courtesy of Miss Hannah Minx. Both are very useful, and I am feeling more confident about this part of the exam now!
At 11, I'll be writing out kanji flashcards for myself. I hope I havent forgotten any!
Today I have work from 3-11pm at Dome, who were mean again and only gave me one shift this week.
But earlier this week I got a job at Exotic Body Piercing, as a receptionist. I've done 2 days of training so far, and will be working after November 16th (my last exam)
The problem is that my parents think it will look bad on my resume to have quit Dome for a body piercing place. Because body piercing has the reputation of being "dirty" and "boggy" like tattoos (which, of course, 90% of places are not) my parents think I am "chipping away at my future."
I just dont think I'll have time this summer to do all this! First off I have to finish my thesis costume by January 29th, I have to work 3 or 4 days a week at Exotics, 2 or 3 at Dome, go to roller derby training and lets not forget have a fun holiday!

I really just want to work somewhere where I'll learn something, until I study abroad in Japan, which will be about a year from now. After that, hopefully I can get a job teaching Japanese at schools, or teaching English in Japan as part of the JET program.
As much as I reitterate my goals to my parents they want me to be doing something NOW to forward my career. I need money, and then I can go to TAFE or something to do Japanese programs or teaching courses. I have goals and ambitions! I will achieve them!!! ^_^

... I hope.

having a good week :)

SO i'm having a pretty good week so far.
Yesterday I aced my Japanese test... although I think I might have forgotten to do a question in the homework :S Still, it's a good feeling to ace a test!
Then today I feel like I've achieved a lot. I got a clearance to skate in the bout (no contact for a week - damn sprained ankle!), then I filled by bodycast and finished fibreglassing the third cast of my shoulder. To top it off, my boots are ready to pick up! XD moving ahead, feeling good.
I had a massive sence of impending doom and failure last week, mainly driven by my work being a poo, and not giving me shifts, getting parking fines and generally stuff not going my way. But it looks like its turned around this week. So I'm going to ride the wave of happyness and productivity for as long as i can! :D
Do you have good weeks and bad weeks, where everything seems to go your way, or not?
Are you having a good week or bad week this week?

Having a whine about life, sorry.

Okay, so first up, if you don't want to listen to me complain, close the window now.

I got back from 3 weeks in Europe on Tuesday. Great, back home with my family, Mum Dad and Brother. Comments on Wednesday that got to me were:
"It was so quiet when you weren't here" (Brother)
"There was no drama when you weren't here" (Mum)
"Everything's going to change now Emma's back" (Mum)
That's nice. Makes me feel really wanted and loved guys.

So, I couldn't sleep Thursday night because I was stressed about uni. I was awake until 2:30ish and then got up at 10 and looked awful. After mum asked why I looked so tired, I told her. I then got berratted by Mum for "being so dramatic" and by my brother for "whining instead of getting on with what I have to do." When I pointed out that Mum had asked the question and I was just telling the truth (I'll admit it, in a raised voice, but they raised their voices first) Mum walked away, throwing her hands in the air and saying how it's all her fault because she's a bad mother etc etc guilt trip etc.

And this morning I woke up, ready to spend a Saturday with my family, (because I get the whole "you never spend any time with ussssssss" bull if I want to go to the movies) and get Dad to help me with my project, but no, they're all going to breakfast at Lee's football. When I woke up they were leaving and Mum said "you can come too if you want." Followed by "But we're already late so really you should have woken up earlier."
When I asked why nobody told me about it before, so I could come, Mum said "well you're never home so how were we meant to tell you?"

OKAY. First off I was home ALL yesterday afternoon, with you, Mum, until 6:30. Also, I was home all Thursday, until I went to skating, but you were at work. It's called a phone. I have one, you have one, what about a call, or a message? Even write a note and stick it on the fridge. Fuck, I'm not that hard to get hold of.

I hate the way this is made out to be my fault. I'm the bad guy, the one who's not welcome. The one who stresses everyone out and annoys everyone. I get it, you don't want me here. That's fine. Then why in the hell don't you let me move out? Every time I suggest it it's "you couldn't do it" or "you don't have any money" or "that's a really dumb idea" but I feel like maybe that's just everyone's low opinion of me. I feel really bad that I've made it from 15 to 21 and the whole time trying to make my family like me but still, STILL, everyone around me seems to loathe me. I don't get it. I'm a nice person, and I know people say that when they're really dicks but don't realise it, but I really do think I'm a ncie person. All my friends seem to think so, anyways. I just don't get why they hate me so much. I know, thats a bit "dramatic", but don't you bully people you hate? That's what this is, bullying, it's my mum and my brother trying to assert themselves by pushing me down. Why else would mum call me things like "trashy", "unemployable", "stupid", "fat", "ugly" etc, day in and day out? Because she doesn't want me to stand up for myself like my brother has.

And you know why I can't get a job? Because I feel bad saying good things about myself, because I think they're not true. I honnestly do think that I'm completely useless at everything. And every time I say it I get screamed at for being "dramatic" and "stupid", but I honnestly believe it. Maybe there's something wrong with me, or maybe there's not. Maybe there's something wrong with everyone else.

I think I need to get out of here, for my own sanity.
But I can't because I have no money.
And I can't get money because I have no job.
And I can't get a job because I think I'm useless.
Endless cycle.

Radelaide

So, yesterday I returned from the Great Southern Slam: the first ever national roller derby tournament held in Australia! There were 15 competing teams from around Australia and New Zealand, and I went to represent Perth.


It was heaps of fun, although a bit painful (I came out with a pinched nerve, some nasty bruises and a whole lot of sore muscles!) I enjoyed every second of it. I learnt so much from playing other leagues, as well as watching the better teams play. Overall, out of the 15 teams, Perth ranked 6th, behinds Victoria, Sun State, Adelaide, Pirate City and Geelong/Ballerat, all of whom have buckets more experience than us. So, we feel very proud of ourselves.



In our pool was Geelong/Ballerat and Potluck (a team made from WFTDA accredited skaters from various leagues who did not make it into their main team.) We lost to Geelong/Ballerat, then beat Potluck, and got through to the quarter finals on point differencial, where we were defeated by Pirate City.


I got heaps of video and some pictures (but I lost my photo-camera O.o) so soon I will have edited the footage together into some sort of highlights clip, which I will share with you. For now, here's some pictures of my team that I've gathered from Facebook and Flickr. All rights to the owners.

Our Bench

Hot Wheels braving the Pirate City blockers

Vs. the Mulrats (Thats me on the left in the blue dress!)

Hot Wheels taking on a Geelong/Ballerat blocker

Miss Erotica Deville taking her position in the pack

Vintage Pattern, Modern Look

So, at my uni they are doing the production Anything Goes, which is set in the late 40s/early 50s (not quite sure exactly.) One of the dresses for the production was based on a vintage Simplicity pattern, which had missing pieces. The Head Cutting Assistant, Indi, redrafted the bodice, and made the skirt a full circle. Originally the skirt was quite straight, obviously for fabric rationing.

If you like, I can get the original pattern number from uni but, as I said, most of it has been redrafted and is not the original pattern. Anyways, here's my pictures.

I know mirror pictures are awful, but it's really hard to see the pleating and triangular belt otherwise. Still, its really hard to see here.

I'll be wearing this dress to the afterparty in Adelaide in two weekends time: hopefully I'll get some really good pictures there.

Four reasons i love Japan

Japan, for me, is a magical world where all the things I love come together in the craziest way. I love the over the top fashion, the cute school uniforms, the music, the hairstyles and the food. But thanks to fuckyeahjapan I can bring you some images which illistrate how much I love Japan: where the eccentrics run free ^_^

This is the hairstyle I want: a perfect fringe with big, long, wavy hair which is somehow perfect...

Japan is where Rockstars can be tools and people love them more for it

Where normal girls rock the hottest fashion all the time

And of course there's ninjas.

I want to go to Japan so bad! I wish I was born there. I think I'd feel right at home browsing the crazy fashion and wearing petticoats and flase eyelashes every day. It's a wonderful place where you can be whatever you want to be. Also, I hear the sushi is pretty good.

The Room

Last night some of my friends invited me to go and see The Room at Luna cinemas. I had nothing better to do, so I went along. And I'm so glad I did! It was the most fun I've had in such a long time.


The Room is a tale of betrayed love, written, produced, directed and starring the infamous Tommy Waseau. Other cast members are unknowns, and I think they will be for the rest of their lives.

If you've never heard of it before, The Room is the worst movie of all time. It's the Citizen Cain of bad movies. It is so bad, infact, that there is a game the whole cinemo plays along with the movie, including yelling "Spoons!" and throwing plastic spoons everytime there is a framed picture of a spoon, saying "Hi Denny" and "Bye Denny" every time the lovable but slightly useless character Denny enters of exits the scene, cheering the panning shots of the Golden Gate Bridge, and yelling "meanwhile in San Fransisco" every time there was a city establishing shot. It is so much fun and I would definately go and see it again.

If you have nothing better to do, I suggest grabbing some friends and heading down to the Luna for a watch! I promise you'll have a great time!

Such a long time!

It's been so long since I've blogged! Naughty me! And I promised you pictures and everything.

In 4 weeks I'll be off to Adelaide to compete in the Great Southern Slam - the first ever national Australian Roller Derby tournament, including 14 teams from all over Australia and New Zealand. It's a knockout tournament, so maybe my team won't get past the first day, but it's very exciting none the less! I'll get to see some really great teams compete! :D If you're in Adelaide on the weekend of the 12th of June, check it out! http://greatsouthernslam.com.au/

I'm going to be super busy in the coming weeks. I have an assignment to do for Friday and one for Monday, and then an essasy in two weeks. I've got my helmet to finish for two weeks, and my fashion awards to get to an acceptable stage to photograph for my folio. I promise, when my helmet is finished, I'll tell you how I did it!

So here's some pictures that I promised you: My steampunk outfit, my hairstyle from my 21st Birthday lunch, and then some of the Rockabilly night last saturday at the roller rink. I hope I get a chance to blog again soon!

Wondering?

So today I am heading out to a tea party in Kings park with one of my friends and her other friends. It's themed, so it's a dress up as Steampunk tea party. I've never done steampunk, so I hope I've done it okay.

Dad told me a few weeks ago that Mum is really upset because she feels like she has failed as a parent. Now, this is probably my fault for having an emotional breakdown after I realised I was wasting my life away in a degree that won't get me anywhere. I've had a few of these breakdowns, but one was during a conversation with Mum.

Just now she asked me: "Do you dress up stupid and go and illicit attention in public because I was such a bad parent?" before storming off. First off, I enjoy dressing up because it's fun. I like costumes and fashion and putting things together and wearing them. I am not attention seeking. It's just that dressing up is boring by yourself. I don't understand how dressing up with friends reflects badly on you as a parent? If you know what she means, please tell me. (I can't talk to her, she's locked in her room now. *sigh*)

Perhaps I am being immature and silly. Perhaps, now that I'm 21 and all grown up, I should act like an adult and wear nothing but jeans and tshirts all the time. But I think you get the same amount of attention no matter what you wear. People look at you because you're fat/thin, tall/short, pale/tanned, whatever. If people stare at me, I don't even notice, because I've been bought up not to care about that stuff. I'm just a little eccentric. Doesn't mean I'm a bad person... or that my parents are.

Maybe my Mum's just a bit of a narsisist. It worries me that she takes things such as me dressing up as a personal insult. Perhaps she is slightly mad? I don't know.

Anyways, Mum is mad at me so I better not let her see me for the next half hour before I leave. And I better find some sort of container to carry cupcakes in.
Photos posted later
xxx