So today I am heading out to a tea party in Kings park with one of my friends and her other friends. It's themed, so it's a dress up as Steampunk tea party. I've never done steampunk, so I hope I've done it okay.
Dad told me a few weeks ago that Mum is really upset because she feels like she has failed as a parent. Now, this is probably my fault for having an emotional breakdown after I realised I was wasting my life away in a degree that won't get me anywhere. I've had a few of these breakdowns, but one was during a conversation with Mum.
Just now she asked me: "Do you dress up stupid and go and illicit attention in public because I was such a bad parent?" before storming off. First off, I enjoy dressing up because it's fun. I like costumes and fashion and putting things together and wearing them. I am not attention seeking. It's just that dressing up is boring by yourself. I don't understand how dressing up with friends reflects badly on you as a parent? If you know what she means, please tell me. (I can't talk to her, she's locked in her room now. *sigh*)
Perhaps I am being immature and silly. Perhaps, now that I'm 21 and all grown up, I should act like an adult and wear nothing but jeans and tshirts all the time. But I think you get the same amount of attention no matter what you wear. People look at you because you're fat/thin, tall/short, pale/tanned, whatever. If people stare at me, I don't even notice, because I've been bought up not to care about that stuff. I'm just a little eccentric. Doesn't mean I'm a bad person... or that my parents are.
Maybe my Mum's just a bit of a narsisist. It worries me that she takes things such as me dressing up as a personal insult. Perhaps she is slightly mad? I don't know.
Anyways, Mum is mad at me so I better not let her see me for the next half hour before I leave. And I better find some sort of container to carry cupcakes in.
Photos posted later
xxx
Friday, April 16, 2010
Wondering?
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3 comments:
That is a bloody horrible thing for your mum to say (ask her if she'd rather you wore tiny shorts that barely covered your arse and a midriff baring t shirt from supre).
If I've gotten my links right you do the same course I did a few years ago, and I can sympathise hugely with the emotional breakdowns, I had them every other week. It didn't help that all my friends from school were doing law/engineering at UWA and deep down my father desperately wanted me to be an accountant, and I kept thinking that I wasn't learning anything of any use but when I look back I am SO GLAD I did it and I honestly got so much more from it than I realised at the time.
I am lucky that my parents are incredibly supportive of my creativity, and almost never questioned my outfit choices when I was younger and crazier (even though I look back on some things now and think oh good god what the HELL was I wearing?!). The creative process of getting dressed up and wearing costumes is so inaugural in refining your own style - the world doesn't need another jeans + tshirt wearing boring clone!
Keep dressing up and don't let your mum guilt you into restraining your creativity.
That says more about her own insecurities than anything about you. Mothers worry about whether they've failed, no matter what we do. Perhaps she's projecting her fears about having failed you with regard to your breakdown onto something she thinks she *can* control, like your appearance. Or maybe she's uncomfortable with her own appearance.
Be yourself. *Like* yourself as you are. If she makes that kind of comment again, just tell her that no, you dress this way because you like it, it has nothing to do with what sort of parent she is.
I hope you had fun dressing steampunk!
Oh gosh! How horrible for you! I went through a similar thing with my mum and I still catch her looking at me sometimes and thinking "how did I get it so wrong?".
I think my parents are still very confused at how I turned out. I used to be pretty punk and my outfits were pretty extreme and now I am a hula hooping, burlesque dancing, jazz loving, charlestoning, vintage dressing lass. Both of these incarnations have been met with bewilderment. I really do think my parents would have preferred I was a jeans and t-shirt wearing lawyer.
I think you have exactly the right attitude. Dressing up is fun and you should only dress to please yourself. Don't feel that you owe your parents just because they brought you into the world. You are your own person and as long as that person makes you happy then do what ever you like!
*hugs*
I hope things are better!
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