Sunday, November 22, 2009

My thoughts on Twilight.

Okay, so I've been avoiding watching Twilight for a while. Since the whole thing started, really. Mainly because I am NOT a big fan of Robert Patternson or Fake Accents, both of which feature quite a lot in this film. But with New Moon coming out, and everyone going nuts, I thought, maybe I'm being a wanker, and a Anne Rice purist, and maybe I should give it a go. So I did.

First of all, the damn film makes no sence. If I was a girl at high school and some weird guy had eyes that changed colour and he covered his nose because I stunk so bad, and then tried to change out of that class, I wouldn't be in love with him. I wouldn't even talk to him. If he then saved my life by being super human, I would want to get as far away from freak boy as possible. But stupid Bella is a dumbass. Anyways, apart from the whole film, these are a few things I found stupid:
- Vampires sparkling. I mean, he's meant to be a demon killing machine, not a dancer in the pride parade.
- Captain obvious "I'm a warewolf". Anyone with half a brain could see it. Suspence fail.
- The vampires go to school. I don't know about you, but if I was a vampire, I wouldn't put up with that shit. Okay, so they justify it by saying "the younger we are when we start, the longer we can stay in one place." Cool, fine, whatever, why dont you just all go and live in the mountains or some crap? You don't eat people anyways. ALSO. If the smell of blood throws vampires into some crazy frenzy, how do you think they manage with so many teenage girls? Seriously. How could they even go anywhere in any sort of crowd? GAH
- The blonde vampire was a terrible actor, and a terrible character.
- Why didn't Bella just buy the stupid book off it was right there! Idiot.
- Climbing trees and running fast = as bad as Crouching Tiger. But less funny, because the filmmakers obviously thought it looked great. Spend less money on getting a British guy to sound American, just get a goddamn American (Zac Efron or some other crap "teenage heartthrob".) And spend your money on making shit look good damnit!

Okay, just to clarify, I'm not being mean because its different from Anne Rice. I liked Underworld, Hellsing and even Blade. I dont like this because it's made for 12 year olds (and sad middle aged people like this woman Sure, I would have loved this book if I was 13. But I'm not quite sure why (or how) people my age can like this sorry piece of trash. Seriously.

In short: Twilight? More like Twi-LAME