Why I hate myself and why it's retarded

Okay, so I hate myself. I really do. And it's not that strange, really. I mean, how many women really like themselves? I bet you can't honnestly say that you do. But it's all for retarded, stupid reasons. And now I'm going to list them for some sort of theraputic reasons.

- I think I'm fat and hate myself for it.
Now, I anm 164cm tall and weigh 68kg. So I am technically overweight. Wow, even writing that makes me feel awful. I have no issue seeing the numbers or anything, I remember when I used to see 48kg. Every time I go out I look at photos and want to cry. I feel like my life is shit and everything is going wrong because I'm so useless I can't even be a decent weight. It should be one of the easiest things to do and I cant even do that. What a retard.
But I know it's not true. My insecurities stem from my mum. I was happy and confident (and 56kg) until my mum decided that "she needed to tell me the truth" because I was "packing on the weight" and started beratting me daily about what I eat, how much, poking my thighs, my butt, my stomach. And all that did was make me feel worse about myself and make me want to hide away. And I gained 10kg. SO pretty sure that backfired.
But it's not my mum's fault, it's my own fault for letting her get to me. I could have ignored her, I could have eaten well despite but no, I don't have that control over myself. And I hate myself for that.

- Nobody takes me seriously.
Because I'm a woman, and I'm not hot. And I don't have a decent degree.
See above. If I was skinnier, I feel like people would take me seriously. I feel like nobody likes me because they see that I have no control over myself, because I'm fat.

*sigh*

- I feel like a failure at life (and I'm only 21)
I feel like every choice I've ever made has been wrong. I feel like I went to the wrong high school, made the wrong friends, had the wrong study habits, had the wrong hobbies, picked the wrong upper school subjects, went to the wrong uni, did the wrong course and now I'm somebody I never wanted to be and it';s all my fault. All my life goals? Out the window. I'll never achieve them. And it's my fault. It's all my fault.

*double sigh*

Four reasons i love Japan

Japan, for me, is a magical world where all the things I love come together in the craziest way. I love the over the top fashion, the cute school uniforms, the music, the hairstyles and the food. But thanks to fuckyeahjapan I can bring you some images which illistrate how much I love Japan: where the eccentrics run free ^_^

This is the hairstyle I want: a perfect fringe with big, long, wavy hair which is somehow perfect...

Japan is where Rockstars can be tools and people love them more for it

Where normal girls rock the hottest fashion all the time

And of course there's ninjas.

I want to go to Japan so bad! I wish I was born there. I think I'd feel right at home browsing the crazy fashion and wearing petticoats and flase eyelashes every day. It's a wonderful place where you can be whatever you want to be. Also, I hear the sushi is pretty good.